awwww

usually i wander over to the clinic side around lunchtime, because the drug reps buy us lunch nearly every day. being the only vegetarian on the floor, I've become quite good at subsisting on side dishes or crackers and water. today, the clinic manager bought lunch for everyone - huge long subway sandwiches full of dead animals.

I took my usual side dish and bottle of water, and she said "wait - i got you a special veggie sandwich!"

i have never spoken to this woman before in my life.

she made my whole day.

chewing through the leather straps

... i could hardly get out of bed this morning. I think getting yelled at every night is taking its toll on my ability to rest. Roommate and I had the same conversation last night as we did the night before - nearly verbatim.

him: "you're being so selfish! how do you think I can come up with my half of the rent in 2 days?"
me: "I don't know. we could get a third roommate."
him: "and then I'd have to put up with another fucking person?
me: "yes."
him: "haven't I always been here for you? Don't I always try to help you out?"
me: "yes, even though I don't always want or need your help."
him: "what?!? I've always helped you out! {goes through a litany of ways he's 'helped'}. How come you're so selfish?"
me: "I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that."
him: {stares at the TV for 3 solid minutes drinking cheap whiskey}
me: "is there anything else you'd like to talk about?"
him: {crosses arms and makes a snide face} "er. ohhh. ummm. dammit, you're being a selfish bitch after all I've done for you! Why don't you get rid of the dogs or the horses or something, instead of asking me to pay my 'half' of the rent? You know I never would have moved in here if I had to do that. You told me that you would pay 2/3 and I would pay 1/3. I told you I could help you out with utilities, even though I shouldn't have to. Why are you going back on your word?"
me: "we've had this conversation before, and we're not getting anywhere. i'm going outside now."
him: "get back here! why do you always leave? friends communicate. why won't you talk to me? Fucking bitch."
me: "no. this conversation is over."

geez, man.

then i get to work this morning and get this email from my boss:

"Your first prioity according to our meeting last week was and then to audit . Not to do this flow sheet. I'm concerned about your prioritization and efficiency. I will make time tomorrow to discuss my concerns with you."

dude - it was PART of the audit. I am doing my job here...

why is this so difficult for her to see?

on the plus side, I think my finances are getting in order and I get to go cross country schooling tomorrow.

and there are a few girls I like.

and lori makes me coffee in the mornings.

i love my mom

because of her, my budget graph for the next three months looks like an EKG, instead of a seismograph.


though I do have a bit of a wandering baseline, it never goes below the Y axis.

things of which I am fond

- my secretary's habit of making coffee for me in the mornings
- southern culture on the skids
- the heater under my desk
- www.harmonyhorseriding.com
- crystal-clear blue skies and mountains turning red and gold
- tough little Latinas
- oatmeal

back in the land of the tech-identified

what's happened in the 14 months since I last posted?

well, I:

- failed to get knocked up
- broke up with the boy (in a rather spectacular fashion)
- left Tucson in a hurry
- settled remarkably comfortably in the belly of the beast
- got an office with a door and a window
- was adopted by two horses (that's me riding the big one, and my friend holding the little one)

















- began to wear high heels to work every day
- started on the adventure of home ownership
- returned to coprporate america
- elected to postpone grad school
- continued becoming bitter and jaded
- had two birthdays
- posted the following personal ad:

For a short time only, if you possess at least 2/3 of these necessary (though not sufficient) requirements, you can win a date with me. Ready?
1. house (that's not with me)
2. job (that I didn't get for you, and that pays you enough to subsist)
3. car (or bike or skateboard or bus pass... as long as you're mobile without my help)
4. relatively stable mental health (in therapy; you're good.)
5. no illegal addictions (cigarettes are fine)
6. social skills (can I take you to the company christmas party?)
7. personal hygeine (do you shower more than once a month?)
8. an education (or the desire to get one - i'm okay with the school of hard knocks)
9. opinions (of your very own)
10. goals (also of your very own)
11. hobbies (please, no video/computer games. they're not hobbies.)
12. an adequate sex drive (to be determined)
13. a healthy relationship with your family (natural or constructed)

What you get: I'm a 29 year old butch dyke, except when I have to drag it up at work and then I'm a butch dyke in a power suit. I'm 5'8, a size 6 in girl clothes, and relatively attractive (though I have a pretty impressive black eye at the moment). I have a good job, a decent house, a bunch of dogs, a couple of horses, and a token cat. I can drive a stick shift, know which fork to use, speak multiple languages, and won't embarrass you in public. I don't dance or believe in god. I like dark beer and red wine.

If you know what three-day eventing is, you will automatically be my friend. If you have a truck and extra-tall horse trailer, I will follow you around like a border collie.

I don't eat animals, though I'm not offended by people who do. I live under a pop culture rock, and am much more comfortable discussing Aristotle than network TV. Despite that flaw, I can be fun at parties, and I have very good manners. We'll talk about sex later - suffice it to say I'm not shy, and can talk to anyone about anything. I'm also that rarest of breeds - a butch bottom.

Interested? Care to find out if I meet your criteria?

email is good - spelling counts.