Wonder Drug Tablets

(I changed the actual drug name to Wonder Drug, and the drug company name is similarly altered, but other than that this is the exact text of a MedWatch Report that arrived in my email this morning. What a wacky field I'm in.)
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...What are the possible or reasonably likely side effects of Wonder Drug Tablets?

Wonder Drug Tablets can cause serious side effects that lead to death including
lung damage, liver damage, and worse heartbeat problems.

Some other serious side effects of Wonder Drug Tablets include:

• vision problems that may lead to permanent blindness. You should have regular
eye exams before and during treatment with Wonder Drug Tablets. Call your doctor
if you have blurred vision, see halos, or your eyes become sensitive to light.

• nerve problems. Wonder Drug Tablets can cause a feeling of “pins and needles” or
numbness in the hands, legs, or feet, muscle weakness, uncontrolled movements,
poor coordination, and trouble walking.

• thyroid problems. Wonder Drug Tablets can cause hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism.
Your doctor may arrange regular blood tests to check your thyroid function
during treatment with Wonder Drug. Call your doctor if you have weight loss or weight
gain, restlessness, weakness, heat or cold intolerance, hair thinning, sweating,
changes in your menses, or swelling of your neck (goiter).

• skin problems. Wonder Drug Tablets can cause your skin to be more sensitive to the
sun or to turn a bluish-gray color. In most patients, skin color slowly returns to normal
after stopping Wonder Drug Tablets. In some patients, skin color does not return
to normal.

Other side effects of Wonder Drug Tablets include nausea, vomiting, constipation, and
loss of appetite.

Rx only
Manufactured for
Big Pharmaceuticals Inc.
Anytown, Rust Belt, USA
by Obscure Biotech Company

translation:
“You’ll go blind, your hair will fall out, you’ll start twitching uncontrollably, and you’ll turn blue; but it’s covered by most major insurance plans and boy, is it a blockbuster!”